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Finton’s Frolic: Zinchenko Would Be CRAZY Not To Come Be a Squad Player At Arsenal

By Daniel Finton (Deputy Editor)

What up, Pimps?

Welcome one and welcome all to the Finton’s Frolic right opinion zone. The season is over, and the transfer window officially open. That means basically every single FF released for the next few months is likely going to be about players that don’t actually play for Arsenal. So buckle up for that.

We’ve been linked to a number of players already — heavy links to Gabriel Jesus and Youri Tielemans have been ever-abundant — so logically, we’re not talking about them today. We’ll instead chat about the Manchester City player that has not been linked by a single reputable source, but only hopeful supporters and cringe Twitter accounts. Oleksandr Zinchenko.

I really like Zinchenko quite a lot. And my friends from back home really like him due to his Ukrainian-ness. Roughly 25 percent of the town was Ukrainian at a point, so he’s quite the popular man in little, old, suburban North Port Florida.

Away from his nationality though, he’s a typical Man City player. Smooth, technically gifted, hard working, and most importantly, good. Everyone knows what area he operates in — that left, inside space — so I won’t bore you with any of those gory details. I imagine the 3 of you reading this don’t partake in FFs for tactical insight. If you do, you’re pretty stupid and bad at looking for stuff. Check out basically all of the other content on this site.

Much like the other player we’re being heavily linked with that plays for City, "Zinny" or "The Zin Dog" can play in multiple positions. The Tierney and Xhaka ones, obviously. But the question is, would Zinchenko bring more to the midfield table than Xhaka, or to left back position than Tierney? Perhaps not. And even of he would, neither area is a priority in my opinion.

There’s been some loose chat about Xhaka potentially parting ways, but I don’t really foresee that happening as he’s just mended his previously rocky relationship with the club’s fans, and there’s been basically zero talk about it from the media. And while Tierney is injury prone, he’s still typically available for a good 25 or so games per season. Therefore, if Zinchenko joined he’d most likely be on the bench from the get go. Not in the Champions League. And not winning as many trophies.

But there are some reasons he should join and be on our bench instead of City’s. Here’s a quick fire 10.

  1. Arsenal is an actual club.

  2. We’d pay him more.

  3. He may not be a nailed on starter, but he’d get significant match time. And until then, he can enjoy our pretty, red, cushy chairs.

  4. London is nicer than Manchester. So is the planet Venus, where a human would be crushed into the size of a cheeseball, by the way.

  5. He won’t have to deal with Laporte’s strange social media shenanigans and can casually unfollow him without anyone making a big deal out of it.

  6. He can don kits that aren’t made by Puma.

  7. He can know where his wages are coming from.

  8. People show up to the Emirates Stadium.

  9. Not as many trophies would be won, so he wouldn’t feel greedy…?

  10. Shit, I don’t know, other stuff. Arteta has hair.

In all seriousness, Zinchenko should join us because we’re cooler than City. He and his entourage can enjoy the Emirates Stadium tour, the forthcoming Arsene Wenger statue, and that awesome Jamaican place outside of the ground that I forgot the name of. Let’s start a Go Fund Me to get this over the line, Pimps.


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