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Finton’s Frolic: Yves Bissouma Signing is Inevitable, Here’s Why

Updated: Jun 6, 2021

By Daniel Finton (Deputy Editor)

What up, Pimps?

Welcome one and welcome all to the Finton’s Frolic right opinion zone. The season is over and the transfer window is nearly underway. In the previous episode of this self proclaimed spectacle to behold, I discussed how this window is the most important one ever — again. And awesomely enough, it looks as though our first signings appear imminent. Today, I’ll be discussing a bumptious Brighton boy that isn’t our chief editor Alfie Culshaw, but instead another in Yves Bissouma.

Yesterday, my fellow deputy editor Rob Worthington wrote about Andre Onana, and how it appears as if he’s coming to North London. Charles Watts reported on it first, and generally speaking, what he says, kind of just goes. He’s basically a God amongst Arsenal journalists to be honest. But hold your stinking horses, Pimps. I’ve got some juicy news too, seeing as I’m a “Pimplord” according to my home slice Jahid on Twitter, you ought to listen up. The news is, Bissouma is gonna be a “Goonah.” My source? “Trust me bro.”

Really though, my source is WLYA’s number one fan, Fabrizio Romano. He told me the following scoop over Omegle. Here's how our discussion went.

“What’s up, Daniel? Here we go. My God, you’re a really good journalist. Here we go. You’re so clever and just write how you talk, our industry needs more of that, here we go,” said Romano full of praise for me. I humbly accepted it, and told him to get on with some juicy findings that I can report on in my newest Frolic. I didn’t have all day.

“Right, sorry,” he said apologetically. “So, here we go, basically, here we go, Bissouma is coming. His favorite color is, here we go, red, and London is a nice city, here we go.”

I raised my eyebrow confusedly, did he really have to say his stupid catchphrase that fucking frequently? I get that it's a brand thing for him, but my goodness. The Italian was clearly very nervous whilst speaking to me, understandably so. It's not everyday you meet a Pimplord. Anyways, I tried to dig deeper, asking him to elaborate. He agreed to.

“It’s Nicolas Pepe. He’s selling the idea of the club,” admitted Romano, finally stopping with the annoying catchphrase repetition. “He told Bissouma that it’s pretty ‘sweg’ at Arsenal. That was all it took.”

“Thanks,” I said, immediately hanging up on Romano without saying bye. I got what I needed, what’s the point of chatting with him for any longer? I’ve got things to do and Pimps to see. No time for small talk.

Anyways, Bissouma is happening. He likes red and is in dire need of some more “sweg” in his life. It’s also been reported that he doesn’t really care for Graham Potter’s obsession with xG. He insists that Arsenal Cannon Podcast co-host Alfie is the only person who alludes to the stat that isn’t overly annoying.

(Graham Potter showing where his allegiances really lie. Rumor has it his love for Arsenal could see Bissouma out of Brighton)

As always, WLYA will keep everyone posted about any happenings in this saga. Favorite colors change, so that is slightly worrying. Luckily, however, the desire to be immersed in a smoggy, London cloud of sweg never goes away. It looks as if it is a matter of when and no longer one of if.


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