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Finton’s Frolic: We Ain’t Getting James Maddison, Arsenal Can’t Even Plan a Friendly Right

By Daniel Finton (Deputy Editor)

What up, Pimps?


Welcome one and welcome all to the Finton’s Frolic right opinion zone. Today, I will be discussing how bad Arsenal are at pretty much everything — this piece really has nothing to do with James Maddison, you’ve been click-baited. But where I am getting at is, if we can’t even plan a friendly properly, how the hell can we realistically expect to sign such a quality player?


I’m born and raised in Florida, the place where the Gunners were set to play their preseason fixtures — I still live there now — I’m writing this in Tampa., an hour or so from Orlando, the venue they'd have played in. I’ve lived in this scorching and absurd state for over 22 years. So, from a Floridian through and through kind of perspective, of course I wanted my love to come to town. Long distance relationships are tough. However, the way that the sunshine state of 30 million inhabitants has handled Coronavirus is utterly despicable.


It’s genuinely not safe to come here. Especially not to the smaller towns. Orlando — where the matches would take place — certainly isn’t that, but small town visitors would surely come to the big city to watch Mikel Arteta’s men.


Prior to moving to Tampa for school, I lived in a small, intoxicatingly conservative town called North Port. The land of the maskless. It’s so bad that when I went down to visit a few weeks back, whilst wearing a mask mind you, my girlfriend and I both got COVID. We’re both okay, but it’s still embarrassing. We were there for a day. We went to one store. We got coronavirus.

Now we’re both in the process of getting our vaccines, nothing is stopping us besides procrastinating and using busyness as an excuse. The same can’t be said for many other Floridians though, including the governor.


Mr. Ron DeSantis’ reaction to Florida still having a ridiculously high amount of cases is one that will surely leave most of the world disgusted. When asked if the state would require masks or a lockdown, he said: “We’re not doing that in Florida.” We never have, by the way.


In spite of the state under his jurisdiction being home to 20% of all current Covid cases in the country, according to WFLA in Tampa, no action is being taken.


And alas, Arsenal, Inter Milan, Everton, and some other club no one cares about thought it would be wise to come and play in the Covid Cup. “Florida Cup it, let’s go.” The latter two are still coming, crazily enough. At least our team and Inter pulled out. But why did they even decide upon my heavily infected home in the first place? Is there a ton of money here? Of course. Would loads of supporters attend? Fuck yeah. But isn’t the health of others more important than a few bucks? Apparently not, not to Arsenal at least.

I’m glad they pulled out. I’m sorry to all of my southern brothers, sisters and Pimps that got led on, but let’s be honest, they shouldn’t come. Maybe one day, but no day soon. Our state doesn’t deserve Arsenal, not even in the shitty, Florida-esque state they’re in.


But I’m done roasting the third largest state by population. Arsenal should be ashamed of themselves. They got into bed with a murderer. It doesn’t matter if they cancelled, why’d they even plan on visiting this COVID cesspool at all?


Yippee for public disapproval because if it wasn’t there, Arsenal would probably be here. I don’t buy the statement sent out out by the club’s communications team in a desperate attempt to spare their own blushes. Though it may seem so, Arsenal and those who run it aren’t stupid. It’s not a secret this country as a whole has handled the pandemic poorly — Florida never even went into lockdown, and there was people that literally never put a mask on. Arsenal still planned on coming.


“ Assna” is in such a shambolic state that they can’t even plan a friendly properly. The club has well and truly died, but there’s one silver lining. Less real people will follow suit now that the club isn’t coming to a place where many think the vaccine puts a microchip in you. Well done to the journalists and supporters the shamed the club for deciding on such a sickly venue. Shame on you, Arsenal. Shame on you.


Toodloo...!

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