Finton’s Frolic: Tyler Adams - A Player To Get “Two Birds Stoned at Once”
By Daniel Finton (Deputy Editor)
What up, Pimps?
Welcome one and welcome all to the Finton’s Frolic right opinion zone. Today, we will be discussing one of my fellow yanks. A beautiful man that goes by the name of Tyler Adams. The young, American has been linked with a switch to North London, and that left the likes of me and other Americans in a state of utter jubilee. It’s not just his Americanness, but also the fact that his signing would kill two birds with one stone, or as Ricky from the hit show trailer park boys would say, “get two birds stoned at once.”
The Leipzig man is more than capable in two areas that the Gunners need to address. As many may have now read, those spots are the roles of central midfield and right back.
But areas on the pitch are not the only way Adams would stone two feathered flying fuckers at once. He’d also do so by making our team better and earning his fellow American Stan Kroenke a pretty penny.
For those that don’t know, many in my country who like to describe themselves as “patriotic” are actually just unbearable and annoyingly proud of the fact that they’re from where they are. What does that mean, you may ask. Well, shirts are going to sell if Adams comes. A lot of them.
As sick as it makes me, the United States is basically covered by a sea of blue shirts that read “Pulisic” on the back at this time. No one cared about him until he left Borussia Dortmund for the Premier League. Now, however, he is around every corner turned. The same would likely happen if the 22-year-old born in New York moved to England.
Funnily enough, it wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest if the majority of those arrogant Premier League supporters that refer to every other division as a farmers league, actually live across the pond from the gloomy shores, in the United States. The people here are fanatical about “British soccer.”
At the time of writing this, it’s already begun. Adams didn’t even have to move for his brand to grow. By simply searching “Tyler” in my search bar, “Tyler Adams Arsenal” was suggested. I haven’t even looked that up yet, but a great deal of Gooners clearly have, for sure.
So, I’m not gonna get analytical, or anything like it, because this is a Finton’s Frolic. We don’t do that here. What I will say though, is the shirt sales made from Adams would probably garner enough to get us five or six of those £15 million Marcel Sabitzers that are supposedly on clearance. Don’t turn your noses up at him, he can be the cash cow that saves this club. The real question is whether he’d want to come. Leipzig are in the Champions League and will be led by American manager Jesse Marsch next season. A man who the linked player has past ties with at New York Red Bulls.
As always, we’ll see what happens. And WLYA will keep y'all posted as per. But Pimps, pray for, do a rain dance for, and hope for the guy. We could use that American money which Kroenke definitely won’t provide.