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Finton’s Frolic: There Is, In Fact, Something Worse Than an Özil Stan

By Daniel Finton (Deputy Editor)

What up, Pimps?

Welcome one and welcome all to the Finton’s Frolic right opinion zone. It’s the self-proclaimed best blog on the internet "Back Again," as that one guy who made Arsenal relevant would say. If you start suffering from some illness that has to do with your brain after reading this, don’t come crying to us at WLYA Productions. No one is forcing you to read this. You have been warned and you’re to blame if it occurs. Y’all know how stupid things get up in here.

Speaking of stupid, I stumbled upon an incredibly daft set of folks, not Pimps, just a couple of days ago. The group has made me question everything. When I see a tweet of theirs, I can’t help but stop and stare in hopes that it will miraculously change to something less idiotic. It never does. And since I continually give the nincompoops’ Tweets screen time, they keep popping up on my feed. Damn algorithm.

Pimps, we have a new group of unbearable doofuses within our fan base, and to tell you the truth, I think they may be worse than the recently departed, but still for some reason present Mesut Özil Stans. Nicolas Pepe heads.

Get it? Like pee pee heads? Got ‘em. Anyways.

These “folks” on Twitter could be some of the most insecure, yet still obnoxious player-first supporters I have ever seen. Bear in mind, just days ago, I witnessed the ever-cringe Messi supporters celebrating the fact that Ajax’s Tadic didn’t break their beloved God’s annual assist record of 35. Such weird behavior. Then, Ajax posted that their man broke the annual assist tally in a friendly, but turns out he actually didn't because if you consider friendlies Messi had more as well. I'm throwing up writing this. Cringe. Get a job.

Anyhow, the Pepe posse is even worse than the Özil orcs and Messi morons. And the reason is, Pepe hasn’t done anything to earn so much respect. The former two will go down in history. The German for building a brand on his creativity and assist numbers, and the Argentine for being one of the best players to ever live, and breaking assist records like that aforementioned. Pepe, however, had like one standout season in Ligue 1 and did a few step overs.

It isn’t even merely the wider picture that triggers frustration either though. The fact is, Pepe doesn’t play because he doesn’t deserve to. So their holy arguments, and I ain’t talking Godly, are totally irrational.

The Pepe heads want there to be some dark secret behind why he’s benched, but there isn’t one. He doesn’t bring anything to the table his counterparts don’t apart from sloppiness. Even his admirable goal contributing tendency isn’t really worth the trade off when one looks at the negative baggage he also holds along with the fact that his counterparts also do the same.

Bukayo Saka, who also is constantly involved in the goals too, is better overall and brings more to the table. And even if our best player in the squad Saka is unfit, Gabriel Martinelli would be better there anyways, as he’s shown he can do a job on the right flank by also chipping into the scoring and providing tenacity no one else in the team does. Smith Rowe would probably excel from the right side too.

“But Arteta doesn’t hug Pepe as hard as he did Charlie Patino, the literal child who just scored his first ever goal for his boyhood club. The boss clearly hates the Ivorian king,” says @ProudPepeLover.

Give it a rest you insecure freaks. Pepe Stans are the type to cry when their significant other only kisses them for 2 seconds to say goodnight instead of the usual 3. They would mourn if the Starbucks Barista didn’t remember their name even though they’d been to that location a resounding four times in the past year and a half. They would fall into a depression if their dog only jumped up to greet them with three hops rather than the usual five. Insecure and clueless. Sort of like their King on the ball.

Anyways, that last part was a joke, and all goofs aside, I respect Pepe a lot and it’s not his fault his fans are annoying as hell. He’s actually really fun to watch despite, and hell, maybe even because of his clunkiness. I, your Pimp Lord, admittedly have a bit of a soft spot for him as he's a very "Daniel kind of player," - erratic. I want to sell him, actually. And it's because it’s what’s best for both parties. Honestly, I would love to see him prosper elsewhere as it just won’t happen here.

We’ll see if that happens though. It’s hard to imagine anyone would be interested as they would have to bring the weirdly obsessed Pepe heads along as well. Like Pepe for Saka, it’s just not a worth the trade off.


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