Finton’s Frolic: Reports Released stating reasoning behind Don Raul’s Abrupt Departure
By Daniel Finton (Deputy Editor)
What up, pimps?
Welcome one, welcome all to the 21st installment of the Finton’s Frolic, right opinion and now, cutting edge news reporting zone. As of today, reports have released stating the reason behind the man nicknamed “Don Raul” leaving the club so abruptly.
After the Spaniard joined from Barcelona, it had appeared as if the club had pulled off a masterful coup, however, it turned out the style with which Raul tried to orchestrate transfers turned out to be prehistoric to say the least.
Rather than using the ever-vast field of stats, analytics and the network of scouts at his disposal, Raul opted for a more contact based way of operating. The “I know a guy” way of going was questioned heavily by supporters and many were quick to jump to criticize. One individual who was incredibly insistent on the way of Raul being scrapped was none other than Gunnersaurus.
The 6-foot+ green dinosaur reportedly shared an extremely heated exchange with the now former head of football proceedings, whose height is undisclosed, but looks to be far shorter than Gunnersaurus' imposing height. The argument's audio was captured in full and went as is transcribed below:
Raul: Listen (clears throat only to see voice somehow grow more mobbishly hoarse), you can’t tell me how to do my job. I know what I’m doing.
Gunnersaurus: Do you? I mean, fuck me I’m a dinosaur and even I’m not as prehistoric as your Jurassic way of purchasing and moreover operating this club!
Raul: (Scoffs mobsterly) What do you know? You’re a dinosaur.
Gunnersaurus: More than you’ll ever know you BTEC mafia man. I didn’t live through the biggest asteroid in this earth’s history to deal with this shit. Either leave or I will literally eat you alive.
Our on-field staff then reported that Raul sheepishly left the room with his tail between his legs only muttering one small request.
“Please don’t hurt my main home slice, Kia.”
Gunnersaurus refused to answer the request and when we saw him outside of the room in which the exchange was held, he refused to answer any of our inquiries on the matter.
Upon our field reporters exit from the scene, he did say he saw one other bystander, although it was not a human witness. It was what was thought to be an innocent, kept to self, gerbil. Said adorable rodent has turned out to be the most reliable news reservoir of our generation.
Thanks for tuning in, this is breaking news that has just been reported as of today. We’ll keep you posted on any further developments. We will also try to get some quotes from the gerbil on the matter.