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Finton's Frolic: Matt Turner Signing Would Mean The World to the American Kids

By Daniel Finton (Deputy Editor)

What up, Pimps?

Welcome one and welcome all to the Finton's Frolic right opinion zone. Today, we're gonna talk about the player that Arsenal have been linked to the second, or third hardest this window (after Vlahovic and Arthur Melo); Matt Turner.

A little background on the player, if you haven't done some research already, can basically be summed up in just a few sentences. And that's good as I'm a lazy piece of shit.

Here it is: Turner's pretty much undoubtedly the best goalkeeper in MLS. In said league, there's something called an "All Star Game," every year where the best players from MLS, and then some other team, or all star squad from another division, (this time it was Liga MX in Mexico) square up in one, sponsor riddled, typically meh fixture.

In 2021s corporate cumm fest, Turner won the MVP, or man of the match for his heroics in the penalty shootout. So, even amongst the best players in MLS and Liga MX he stood out. He also competes with Manchester City's number two Zack Steffen for the national team spot between the sticks. He's good. But with that said, he's not that great with his feet from what I've personally seen. Remind you of someone? Great shot stopper, nothing to call home about delivery-wise.

Anyways, that was boring for me to write, so I imagine you're yawning too. I'll cut to the chase.

I can't quite remember whom exactly I heard it from, but some fan on some social medium (#QualityJournalsim) was saying how great it feels to be able to nationally identify with a player on the team. They were talking about Tomiyasu. Today I'm writing the same, but of Turner.

One thinks back to Zelalem when trying think of an American past, or present player at Arsenal. Though he was a talented "dude," as we Americans would say, his time at Arsenal ended up underwhelming, just as his career, in its entirety has been. He was young and basically never played or even took part though, and Yankee Gunners -- not as in clones of the famous podcaster -- didn't really get a chance to be proud of his presence.

Turner would be different. Even as a number two goalkeeper, American Pimps know he'd get some form of minutes at some stage of some cup match at the very least. And he would also be on the bench, so barring any form of an injury, there'd constantly be an American's name on the team sheet. And that's just wonderful for the American kids out there to see.

To be able to witness a fellow countryman playing for a huge club like Arsenal is surreal. I'm not even a kid anymore and the idea still fills my heart with joy and admittedly some nerve induced palpitations, if those are even a thing, too. If we manage to sign him, I really want him to do well, and I'm sure my fellow "bros" can relate. Not just because he's coming to to my beloved club, but also because he's born on the same coast as me. It's a perfect storm because I really don't give a damn about other Americans in Europe, apart from Josh Sargent #FellowGingerKing.

This deal ain't even about bagging new fans either. Kids here at home and their parents support Arsenal without an American on the team sheet. Prior to Pulisic's move to Chelsea, for example, the same really couldn't be said for them. Arsenal is a heavily supported team in the United States, already, and for those kids that follow the red and white, this would be "dope". It may sound corny, but screw it I've been cynical enough today -- I did say "corporate cumm fest" after all -- it could help youngsters here think to themselves, "damn, if he can do it, so can I!" How "sweet" is that?

I mean obviously they probably can't and won't, and like most of us they'll end up hating their lives in some dead end job, but hey, it would be cool for at least someone to be happy.

So yeah, in closing, he'd be a great signing for a number two position on paper and for the whippersnappers across the pond from most of y'all reading this.

Additionally, he's been on break since the MLS season isn't currently going on, so if we bring him in now we're getting a well rested Turner. Honestly, it may even be for the best to sign him this winter as the way "soccer" works in America is a hell of a lot different. We play through the summer. But maybe it doesn't really matter with a "goalie."

Aight broskis, thanks for reading my radical story. Hopefully my dawg Turner can slide across to England and show everyone how sick and dope he is. Guess we'll see, bruh.

Peace out, free speech, Toodloo...!

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