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Finton’s Frolic: Kieran Tierney Must Be Sold — We Need Players Willing to Die For Their Teammates

By Daniel Finton (Deputy Editor)

What up, Pimps?

Welcome one and welcome all to the Finton’s frolic right opinion zone. Today, we’re gonna talk about something concerning. One of our most important players admitted he wouldn’t die for fellow teammate Rob Holding. Kieran Tierney is the selfish individual that’s the topic of discussion today. He must be sold.

It all started as an innocent, typical two-sided questionnaire video uploaded by Arsenal. One of Holding and Tierney was sure to be humorous as they both have bright personalities. And unlike a lot of players that are as dry and boring as a saltine cracker, those two have a sense of humor. The top comment on the YouTube video even says Holding should go into punditry as he’s so likable, charming, and sexy. They didn’t say that last part but they may as well have as it’s the truth.

Who’d have thought instead of being funny it’d actually be a story of ultimate betrayal?

Tierney said something the long the lines of, “I wouldn’t die for you. Oh by the way, see how I’m not wearing long sleeves or long pants? It’s because I’m not cold. I’m to strong to get cold.”

Gooners alike laughed it off. “My club captain,” a number of comments said seeing it as a joke or something.

Your captain!?

How the hell is that captain material? A skipper should be willing to DIE for every teammate of theirs, the fans, the stadium, the toilet in stall 3 in the women’s bathroom, and every blade of grass on the pitch. Even piece 1,047,903. That sneaky little devil.

The only way to fix this situation is selling Tierney. Honestly, I wouldn’t be opposed to terminating his contract altogether either. He has to get out of this club if he won’t follow the non-negotiables, like dying for grass blade 1,047,903.

Nuno Tavares could be a short term replacement and then we’ll have to look for an alternative left back to replace the ever-selfish Scottish defender. I don’t really care how talented they are. But they have to be willing to die for everything at the club. Let’s see what happens and who the replacement will be.


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