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Finton’s Frolic: Divorce

By Daniel Finton (Deputy Editor)

What up, Pimps?


Welcome one and welcome all to the Finton’s Frolic right opinion zone. It’s been a while since we’ve seen our team in action, so I guess this is where I talk about an occurrence off the pitch instead of one on it. I mean, I sort of always do that anyways.


It has to be about the Auba and Arteta situation, doesn’t it? I know “the case” was a week ago or so, but regardless it’s still relevant. Unlike this series.


In the final milliseconds of the January transfer window the Gunners shipped their just recently made former captain to Barcelona — the new hot spot for 30 pluses to draw their career to a close. You know the story. I won’t bore you with the gory details.


Auba recently came out with a statement saying something along the lines of, “I’ll always love Arsenal and the fans, Arteta is a douce, swegg swegg swegg.” And as you may well have predicted — if you’ve not only been a Gooner for 15 minutes —social media warriors exploded into a fiery ball of explaining what maturity is. From their grandmas basements. Alone. Wearing a bib in their baby chair with their lips covered in miscellaneous goop that they’re too depressed wipe away.


It’s sort of sad, funny and very Arsenal how instantly everything Auba did for the club was chucked out the window and urinated on. But, as 50 percent of y’all reading this know, in a divorce there’s always a bad guy.


In this case Auba was Auba and that wasn’t right, but we also can’t really be too “miffed” about it, as you personas de Inglatera would say. There were rumors that he was a bit of a tardy Marty and a bad Brad before he came in. Why did we think that would change?


At first, Auba and his fourth Arsenal manager Arteta looked a happy couple lifting the FA Cup together in triumph. It was truly a beautiful wedding day. One so lovely the supporters forgot about the terrible ownership (grandparents) for a few minutes. So fresh Auba thought he had found his home. So intoxicatingly euphoric Arteta forgot Auba cheated on his German ex wife and you can’t expect a leopard to change its spots.


I’m not pardoning Auba even though he is one of my favorites, mind you. At a certain point one has to grow the hell up. Unlike a leopards spots people can change. But he’s obviously uninterested in doing so. Arteta definitely made the right decision visiting papa Kroenke in Colorado to seek divorce sanctioning. The young disciplinarian is looking to instill a culture. Buy in, or get out. Through divorce or annulment.


To pivot back to Auba, in spite of his immaturity I just can’t hate our rambunctious, run away rascal, and I don’t think you should be able either. All those times our second dad took us for ice cream (scored us vital goals), and his orchestrating of he and dads FA Cup wedding can’t be gone with the wind like he.


I’m not saying you should visit our goofy dad on the weekends in Barcelona, but I’m going to. And whilst doing so I’m gonna hope that he does well for himself. The bridge between he and dad was burned, not he and the kids (accurate metaphor as a lot of us are immature as hell covered in that now fermenting sludge mentioned earlier.) Maybe we got that gene from the Gabon striker.


So whatever you think, be nice to the guy. He clearly loves the club a lot and just didn’t sync with Arteta’s management style. His relationship with the kids is still solid as ever. Under a boss like Wenger, he’d have been just fine, I think. Ian Wright serves as an example of a rowdy rascal gone right. It’s possible. Just not married to Arteta.


Anyways, I for one hope dad scores against Real Madrid and pulls a mask over his now departed face, peering over at Toni Kroos through the mesh of a Spider-Man masks eyes. Let’s also hope through those same eyes, when he’s at home playing superheroes with his real kids, he sees he’s ex on the television proudly lifting silverware. I doubt a sliver of bitterness will be present as I’m sure he still wants what’s best for us. And even his ex too.


Toodloo…!

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