Finton’s Frolic: Death, Taxes and Kia Joorabchian
By Daniel Finton (Deputy Editor)
What up, Pimps?
Welcome one and welcome all to the Finton’s Frolic right opinion zone. Before I started writing this, reports from The Athletic came out saying that Kia Joorabchian helped broker the deal to sign Martin Ødegaard. Like Thanos, death and taxes, Kia seems to be inevitable.
To be honest, I feel like it really shouldn’t surprise us that he was involved, even if it wasn’t technically on our end and on Real Madrid’s. Kia and Edu are clearly very close friends, according to people that I hear talking about their Instagrams. They and Arseblog could be lying in a crazy operation to make some unknown American blogger look even more like an idiot though. Doubt, but maybe. I don’t use that vile app which many of you have been directed to this article from.
Anyways, I’m sure that the dude is invited to many and most barbecues hosted by the Brazilian invincible, who now works a traveling cubicle job. Them and the man formerly known as “Don Raul” are all a little too close if you ask me. But hey, we can’t control who Edu befriends, just as we can’t stop Granit Xhaka from interacting with “Mister” Jose Mourinho on Instagram. Social media sites, like firearms, don't kill people, but people kill people, so they shouldn't have guns. Our Arsenal people are shooting themselves in the foot. Again and again. Take the gunner's guns away.
I digress. Social media is enough of a problem to create it's own content about, so I'll stop there and write about it again some time soon.
"Team KIDU" may not even be that bad of a thing necessarily. At times, Edu does not appear as if he has a clue what he’s doing, and having an admittedly slimy, but nevertheless experienced guy to help get deals across the line may be kind of, sort of, grasping at straws, a good thing...? Apparently Kia, like Sanlleehi did, uses dark magic, and he was evidently instrumental in getting Willian the hell out, and if that is truly the case, he deserves some kudos. But I do have a feeling, however, that the decision was one Willian was already willing to make prior to Kia “talking to him.”
Anyways, if you thought we had exited the Kia four door Kia of sorts, you were mistaken. Child lock is activated on the back doors for us fans because we don’t have a choice in the matter. We’re going nowhere. Hopefully, we’re just going out for ice cream and not getting murdered and sent down a river. Evidently Sanllehi wasn’t the only reason we were so involved with the businesses man, Edu loves him as well. It's like your parents got a divorce because your mom was involved with her personal trainer, and then you found out your dad is too. Oh and also, your mom, dad and the personal trainer still talk.
I don’t and no one should care who’s involved with getting players in, or out, but if Kia is going to continue being a part of the club’s business, no more Cedrics or Willians. The club had a good game plan going into this window of signing young talent. And the acquirements look as if they could prosper under numerous management styles unlike that of Matteo Guendouzi, for example. Unfortunately, we have to think that way. The under pressure board and Arteta, especially just might not be the guys. And if they’re not, it’s all good, considering the types of players signed and their versatilities.
“I respect all the pressure,” said Edu in a recent interview. “I understand the fans. I understand the reason and I accept that, but we (Edu, Arteta, Kia, the Kroenkes) will need a bit of time to do what we (the aforementioned people and Kia once again) plan to do. This is the reality. We’re (Especially Kia) working for the future too”.
Let’s just hope the finagling for Ødegaard pays off and he doesn’t turn out like the other purchases the player pimp Thanos Joorabchian has helped us land. Also, Kia, if you’re reading this, we don’t want Neto.