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Finton’s Frolic: Arsenal Played Dirty Requesting Postponement — As They Should’ve

By Daniel Finton (Deputy Editor)

What up, Pimps?

Welcome one and welcome all to the Finton’s Frolic right opinion zone. Since we’re on the subject of postponing, let’s not dilly dally, cut the crap, and get right into the meat and drink of today’s news. We’ll talk of delays enough this Saturday.

Sunday’s North London Derby has been postponed after Arsenal sent in a formal request. Although only one player has tested positive for “CØrØnavrius,” if you catch my drift, Arsenal claimed that they didn’t have enough senior players for the massive affair. And by the letter of the somewhat silly law, they were right. Therefore, it was postponed. It’s really that simple.

To no one’s surprise uproar from rival pundits and supporters has ensued. Apparently it’s okay for every other team to bend the floppy rules, however soon as Arsenal do, it’s classless and taking advantage of the world’s current situation. Liverpool somehow managing a handful of false positives — which is highly, highly, highly unlikely — was not considered suspicious at all by many, mind you.

The Gunners are evidently expected to be squeaky clean in a mud bath of pigs. Innocents in a prison. Virgins in a brothel. Mikel Arteta and Arsenal said no to that though, embracing the dirty, crime committing, explicit way. As they should have done.

The rules are farcical and far too easy to break and take advantage of as things are. Can one really be mad about their house being broken into constantly if they refuse to lock the door? Arsenal aren’t the first burglars there has been, but for some God forsaken reason, everyone is demanding that we be the last, and the door is double locked with one of those security camera doorbell thingies. All the neighbors are yelling at the stupid, old, rich fella down the block, that has control of the hood, to secure his quarters now that Arsenal are benefiting.

Don’t care to be honest, Pimps, what’s done is done. Glad we got to take advantage.

Since the Wenger days we’ve been the nice guys, and there’s been too many times that we’ve been burned because of that. It’s clearly got us nowhere in the race for darling status Klopp and co. have with the FA, and hasn’t done much trophy-wise either.

It’s about time this club starts to be as bastardly as our insufferable neighbors above and below. Maybe now we can hijack some silverware in the Carabao cabinet. Not the shiniest collectible spoon, but I’ll take it. Or, more importantly, maybe this will help in our quest to nick the coveted top four gem we’ve been desperate for, for years. Guess we’ll see. Let’s enjoy the stolen rest.


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