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Finton’s Frolic: Amazon Prime Presents - Arsenal, The Tragedy

By Daniel Finton (Deputy Editor)

What up, Pimps?

Welcome one and welcome all to the Finton’s Frolic right opinion zone.

Unless you live under a rock, you’ve heard the news. Arsenal will have some super fabricated and completely unnecessary show on Amazon Prime during next season. The campaign in its entirety will be captured by some of Jeff Bezos’s underpaid henchmen.

It’s sure to be packed with few to no thrills and a shit ton of spills — perhaps even the blood of Mikel Arteta as a manager, in many’s opinion — it’ll be the most disingenuous series ever streamed that’s based on a football club. The only thing that comes close is Tottenham’s version, which comes second to ours because we top them in everything.

My initial reaction to Arsenal’s tweet claiming that supporters asked for it, and it's here was a rather positive one. I thought, “interesting, I’ll probably give it a watch. With a free trial of Amazon Prime, and a quick, less than a month binge, no harm no foul.”

However, I then saw tweets from many I follow, including the ever-tumultuous, caveat kid that is the chief editor Alfie Culshaw, and came to a depressing realization. This already pathetically weak group doesn’t need Bezos’s minions shoving their massive cameras down their throats. They can’t even handle the pressures that come from being the favorite to win a Europa league tie. The majority are spineless duds in over their heads.

The weight of said cameras will surely crack the feeble footballers completely. You seen these guys, right? They don’t exactly turn to diamonds under pressure. In fact, they typically vert towards whatever the opposite of that is, like glass. So why add a production crew sized weight on to the already cracked glass? Don’t answer that, we all know why the club has gone through with it.

On the other side, maybe I’m being too speculative, but I feel like Amazon chose Arsenal for a reason. And it’s not one we, Gooners will like.

The fact is, we’ve been a mess for a while, and now we’re one that looks destined to descend into code catastrophe. No European football. Inexperienced leaders up top. Shit players. We’re fucked, and Amazon and their bald leader are licking their lips at the sight of the sinking ship. The iceberg is straight ahead, and there for all to see. The enormous corporation would be foolish not to press the red, circular record button.

And in spite of all of this, here I go watching the tragedy once it’s released. Don’t cap either, Pimps. All of you sheep will watch it as well. And since you will too, a season two will come to us too. It’s inevitable. That’s why it’s coming out.

Anyways, I’ve nothing else to say about the forthcoming tragedy set to be released. Money rules the world, not love.


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