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Finton’s Frolic: 87 Things That Have Happened Since Charlie Patino was Born

By Daniel Finton (Deputy Editor)

What up, Pimps?

Welcome one and welcome all to the Finton’s Frolic right opinion zone. This is a bonus FF as Senior Writer Mac’s papa is getting married. Mac the celeb is a busy lad this week. And we want to get to 250 articles for the year, so I’ll gladly pick up the slack for such a beautiful reason. We love love here in the right opinion zone. Welcome to the WLYA family Kristin.

Anyways, let’s talk about what people actually care about: Charlie Patino. I’m surely you’re lovely Kris, but nowhere near as so as the new prince of London.

He donned the legendary Hale End number 87 yesterday, and bagged a debut goal whilst it was upon his hairless prepubescent back. So, on the note of such a legendary digit, and speaking of his preposterously young body and age, here’s 87 things that have happened since the young lad was born.

  1. My 19-year-old brother turned one and I, four. I, four as in I turned four. Not like the deadly interstate here in Florida I-4.

  2. Speaking of I-4, 165 people died in it from 2011-2015.

  3. 2004

  4. 2005

  5. 2006

  6. 2007

  7. 2008

  8. 2009

  9. 2010

  10. Tottenham were shit

  11. 2011

  12. The world was supposed to end (2012)

  13. 2013

  14. 2014

  15. 2015

  16. 2016

  17. 2017, I graduated from high school

  18. 2018

  19. 2019 (COVID)

  20. 2020 (COVID)

  21. This year (COVID)

  22. Patino scored his first goal for Arsenal, my Pimp ess Katie thought the commentator said "Petito," the name of a young girl who was tragically murdered from my hometown. #RIP

  23. A right wing fascist was appointed president of the United States

  24. A lot of people died

  25. A lot of people were born

  26. A pandemic happened, more people died

  27. A vaccine became available

  28. Most people took it, but some didn’t

  29. Some people died again

  30. Arsenal won a few FA Cups

  31. Arsenal went invincible

  32. Thierry Henry left

  33. Thierry Henry came back and scored that goal against Leeds

  34. A lot of natural disasters

  35. Other stuff

  36. The Wii became a popular gaming system

  37. People forgot about the Wii and became nostalgic when reading my mentioning of it in this article

  38. At just 11, Patino himself was signed for 10 thousand quid

  39. The Finton’s Frolic, a blog by a great player of Wii Bowling, was made

  40. The Finton’s Frolic came out with like over 100 instalments

  41. The Finton’s Frolic surprised everyone by telling the Pimps that Patino is 6-foot

  42. There were six sunny days in London (since 2003)

  43. Newspapers prospered and then died

  44. Jeff Bezos took over the world

  45. Elon Musk took over the world

  46. Bezos took over the world

  47. Musk took over the world

  48. They decided they would share the world, and their golden punch bowl of baby blood with each other

  49. 39 of the 49 unbeaten games took place.

  50. Brittney Spears shaved her head

  51. Brittney Spears grew her hair back

  52. Rob Holding signed for Arsenal, went bald

  53. Holding signed a new deal at Arsenal, grew his hair back

  54. Freddie played for and managed Arsenal

  55. Per Mertesacker played for, and got an academy job at Arsenal

  56. Steve Bould moved some cones around

  57. Mikel Arteta played for Arsenal

  58. Arteta became an assistant at Manchester City

  59. Arteta became the Arsenal manager

  60. Unai Emery said “Good Ebening” 600,000 times

  61. Bukayo Saka burst onto the scene donning the very same number 87

  62. Wars

  63. Every brand known to man made a streaming service, Arsenal, Juventus, and Sunderland (Who Patino scored his debut against, got their own whacky shows)

  64. YouTube started to care about what people say

  65. Daniel realised 87 is just such a big number

  66. Daniel wished 8.7 wasn’t too small of a list

  67. The American version of The Office came along

  68. Most people acknowledged it was better

  69. Lol nice

  70. Like 12 losers said the British Office was superior just to be different

  71. Radio shows died

  72. Podcasts became a thing even though they're the same thing as radio shows and sometimes they're even hosted by the very people that were booted from their previous jobs

  73. Some guy, who I forgot the name of, maybe Jerry, became Subway’s company face

  74. Turned out he’s a pedophile

  75. Tottenham remained shit

  76. Leicester City came out of nowhere and won the league

  77. Manchester City became a thing

  78. Theo Walcott scored over 100 goals for Arsenal

  79. Arsene Wenger went from hero to zero

  80. Arsenal fans realised they actually love Wenger, and always will

  81. Arsenal fans begged for him to come back in some capacity

  82. Bendtner signed for Arsenal

  83. Bendtner became a meme

  84. He then released a book

  85. Tottenham are still shit

  86. Speaking of books, Zlatan just released his 400th autobiography

  87. Ronaldo was one step away from signing for Arsenal, and then won 32 trophies after not making the step

Luckily, however, with all of the amazing youngsters we have, including Patino, we don’t need Ronaldo. We have a plethora of young talent who will win a boat load of trophies, themselves. And they know what it means to play for this great club. Let’s hope they all know what “no” means as well.


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