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Finton’s Frolic: 24 Things William Saliba May Have Done to Mikel Arteta

By Daniel Finton (Deputy Editor)

What up, Pimps?

Welcome one and welcome all to the Finton’s Frolic right opinion zone. Hope y’all are enjoying the Euros, because I’m not. My life sucks and I can’t watch any of it. I was gonna make an “Finton’s Frolic: International Special #2,” but I’m pretty much clueless as to what’s happening for the most part.

From what I’ve seen, however, the “big countries” are utter shit, and the “small” nations just want it more, and play with more fight and passion. That’s according to Roy Keane, at least. The guy who seems to attribute desire to everything positive and negative in this world. Is his opinion something to go off of? Surely.

Speaking of passion though, Mikel Arteta seems to have a burning passion for treating William Saliba in the way the big nations are playing in the Euros: utter shit. Not as in poop from a cow’s utter by the way, but utter as in “extremely.” Not sure if I was clear there.

It looks like the youngster is set for yet another loan. And that, naturally begs the question for myself and all of the other Pimps out there: what did this kid do to Arteta?

Seeing as he’s basically been here for two years now, now that it’s July, or 24 unused months, here’s 24 things “Big Willy” may have done to find himself as a “loaner” yet again.

1- Referred to himself as “Big Willy”

2- Demanded everyone, including Arteta, call him “Big Willy”

3- Deemed Arteta as “Small Willy”

4- Demanded everyone call Arteta “Small Willy”

5- Had no reasonable explanation as to why he demanded everyone call Arteta “Small Willy”

6- Called Arteta’s hair fake

7- Called Arteta “Small Willy, with fake hair and fake Willy hair on his fake Willy”

8- Whatever Ainsley Maitland-Niles did

9- Whatever Mesut Özil did (or didn’t do)

10- Whatever Matteo Guendouzi did

11- Whatever Hector Bellerin did (perhaps became a vegan)

12- Whatever Gabriel Martinelli did.

13- Created a chance

14- Said the signing of Alex Runar Runarsson has been poor

15- Wasn’t/isn’t £50 million and English

16- Called those that have gotten the COVID-19 vaccine sheep

17- Said Bukayo Saka is just an “average guy,” in terms of his personality claiming he’s not really as nice as everyone says, but more normal than anything

18- Tweeted “Penaldo”

19- Tweeted “Pessi”

20- Thought tweeting “Pessi” or “Penaldo” was funny

21- Stated that Brexit isn’t such a bad thing, and neither is football Twitter

22- Referred to Roy Keane as a punditry genius on his football Twitter account called “PenaldoGr8rDenPessi_Yes2Brexit_BigWilly69”

23- Farted at a urinal at the training ground and refused to say “excuse me” afterwards

24- Shown Arteta that he is, in fact, just a very young central defender who may genuinely just need more time away from a club as massive as Arsenal. The £27 million price tag is there to no fault of his, and Arteta, I’m sure, is much more aware of the impact that pressure and other external issues for Saliba are having on the player.

Anyways, it’s probably one of those reasons listed — not 24 though — that can’t be it.

Don’t worry, I’m sure we’ll see Saliba playing some time in the next decade or so. Be patient. Until then, let’s just enjoy some Big Willy from a distance, oh and also,


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