Finton’s Frolic: 10 Ways Houssem Aouar Can Nicely Fire His Brother
By Daniel Finton (Deputy Editor)
What up, Pimps?
Welcome one and welcome all to the Finton’s Frolic right opinion zone. This week, I’ll be discussing how Arsenal target Houssem Aouar can politely fire his very own brother.
Recent reports have suggested that Aouar’s representatives are stunned at the fact that the Gunners are firmly after Leicester City star James Maddison rather than their player. They shouldn’t be though. Get French Football News stated the following a couple weeks back on Twitter:
“Brahim Aouar, brother & quasi-agent of Lyon midfielder Houssem Aouar, has been making promises to certain major agents whilst still being under contract with Wasserman, which has contributed to no clubs making bids at a €20m asking price, according to @Romain_Molina.”
What followed the post was an onslaught of replies saying "#BrahimOut", “this man needs to get rid of his brother”, and other stuff like “Pessi would approve, Ronaldo is the goat.”
So that got me thinking, maybe I can help out the Arsenal target. He’ll surely read this, right? Well, regardless, here’s 10 ways Aouar can sack his own kin.
(I'm not, and will most certainly never be a Donald Trump Supporter. However, I will use his face as a meme because he is just that, not a politician. Please don't cancel me.)
Literally just say “You’re fired,” in a Trump-esque fashion. Blunt and right to the point.
Say “You’re fired, bro.” This will add some intimacy to a quite aggressive statement.
Tell him he’s fired in French. As cool as the term “you’re fired” sounds, it may be best to let him go in your native tongue so he can understand it better. It could lead to a very awkward situation if he doesn’t comprehend what you've said.
Fire him and blame someone else, telling him that you had no choice in the matter. Say Mikel Arteta and Edu made you do it.
Let him go by telling him you don’t want to be the next Nabil Fekir.
Fire him and say “Look, Pimp, I need to get this "ASSna" move to secure this bag. Those geezers in Spain are broke, so La Liga ain’t happening. You’re holding me back brother man. We’re through.” But tell him that in French.
Hire another agent, get that agent to fire him for you.
Challenge him in something you’re far better than him at, like ping pong or something, and say his job is on the line. When you beat him, say “sorry, rules are rules. Vous êtes viré."
Tell him Martin Ødegaard is in the market for an agent and it will be an easier job because he’ll never make a decision about where he wants to play.
Any of these 10 ways would work well for Aouar in firing his own blood. There were that many reasons because whoever we sign will likely fill the number 10 area. Genius, right?
Anyways, if the player mentioned throughout this article actually wants a move he’s going to have to deal with his rat problem. The only French rats that we respect at WLYA and Arsenal are Remy from Ratatouille and Karim Benzema.
The season is coming, and the window to a close. We’ll see what, if anything, happens.